Paaatience.... yeaaaah-aahh...

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It's one of those days.

I consider myself a patient person. Not without effort, mind you. I usually have to work at not making smart-ass comments aloud, or wishing hateful things on people acting stupidly. But there are some days when I actually hear the words start to escape, that I have to pretend to cough or cover up my mouth so people don't know I'm commenting on them.

It's one of those days.

My hit list, for today:

• People who cannot pronounce the Spanish "n" should not be allowed to eat. Period. In line for lunch today I overheard a woman who wanted more "hollapaynos" on her taco salad.
• Similarly, anyone who can't correctly say "Chipotle" should lose a kidney. It's not chi-pol-tay. It doesn't even look like chi-pol-tay.
• Scenario: you are coming up to a closing elevator door. You see someone inside already. Do you a) put your hand in to stop the doors from closing even though another elevator would get you in 1.2 seconds? b) Hold the elevator door for someone 35 yards away so that she can catch the elevator as well? c) Accidentally press the wrong floor, laugh, and say "I must have a case of the Wednesdays!" while an angry business analyst hopes you fall down the elevator shaft as you exit? Or d), All of the above?
• How can you seriously be in management? Honestly? Blackmail, that's the only thing I can think of. Naked pictures of executives. I used to joke that you got a free lobotomy when you got promoted to management, now I think it might be true. (On the positive side, the person that I'm referring to in said bullet just got canned for incompetence issues.)
• FLUSH THE URINAL. GOOD GOD. Now I have to flush twice-- not that I have an issue with touching the flusher like the candyass before me, but it's the principle of the thing. I also get to look at your warm piss.
• Slow people. If you want to walk slowly, please stay to the side and/or get the hell out of my way.
• Juvenile delinquents working at the Target downtown. I understand you may not be excited about the daily life of a cashier-- I get that. However, the bored look? The rolled eyes? Spare me. And I'm not sure about you, but when I buy something from a corporation, say "thanks" and said corporate representative responds not with "thanks" but "yup"-- I consider never shopping there again.

Considerable amount of fire in the belly today, folks. You'd be best offering me chicken nachos or Jim Beam if you want help with anything.

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