"Piggy, do we have sign-off on the project charter yet?"
- Wade
One afternoon last week I checked my work voicemail from another Dain building. To get my messages remotely I need to call my own number, wait for my v-mail message, press * and then my password. Whenever I hear my own recorded voice I'm taken aback, and it happened again this time. I looked around the room and blushed, realizing that this is what other people hear when I talk. How embarrassing.
When I visualize what my voice sounds like (yeah, but you know what I mean), it's not.. like.. sexy or suave or anything. Not Cary Grant or Gregory Peck or any other old dead white actor from an era where proper diction was encouraged. Nor do I think I sound stodgy or nerdy, a la Al Gore or Alan Greenspan. I've always thought I sound like someone hip and culturally aware: your John Stewart, Matt Lauer, or Ira Glass (without the lisp.)
Last week I was reminded that I sound like none of these people. Imagine Kermit the Frog, but instead of introducing guests on the Muppet Show, he's talking about relational databases. (To be accurate, I actually sound like former DFL gubernatorial candidate Roger Moe doing an impression of Kermit the Frog, but that's maybe too obscure.)
I own several recordings of my singing voice, and I don't find that as off-putting. Sure, when I'm actually singing, I hear myself as Jamie Walters or John Hiatt, when in reality I'm more like Shawn Mullins: on-key and not unpleasant, but a bit bland. It's better, though, than that "Martin-Zellar-as-god" phase I went through a decade ago when I thought every song should be sung with a gravelly voice. The band's practice sessions sounded like Bruce Springsteen concerts, save for the good music.
So I try not to think about what I sound like when I'm talking. Everyone around me already knows my dulcet tones, well, ain't so dulcet. Maybe I just need to embrace it. I've got a green sweater. I know the words to "It's Not Easy Being Green." And man oh man do I love bacon. Hi ho, everybody...
As an aside: in "researching" this gambit I came across this site. Go there and stretch Kermie.
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feedback. Maybe we'll even run your letters in future Gambits. 'The Daily Gambit' is updated every weekday.
