Three Stupid Stories (Part 2)
- Faber
[Ed. Note: We return with part two of a three part series that Faber emailed to me called "Three Stupid Stories From Faber's Stupid Life: The Drunkard Chronicles".
Try not to be overcome with joy. -Alex]
Buying Booze for a Bum
Some people who have things like morals and a conscience will take issue with this story, that's cool I've been judged before, I'll be judged again.
While working for Target Corporation in the City Center, I often used the skyways for my various travels. One night I was waiting for Dani and Ellerbach to pick me up. We were going out to eat or some such, I don't remember, but I left work early. The plan was to meet at the Applebee's near Block E and then decide on a place to eat from there. I needed a fucking drink, I mean I needed a drink so bad I was shaking (well not shaking but you get the drift). Unfortunately, Ellerbach and Dani were going to be a while.
While I was waiting, an elderly decrepit rummy asked me for some change, "Hey man, can you help a brother out? I'm hungry man." Usually I say, something like "sorry" or whatever, but I really did need someone to talk to for an hour or so. I looked at him, "are you gonna use it for food?" The man answers, "yeah man what you think?" I said, "Well I need a drink how about you?" he responds, "That sounds alright." I joked, "you were gonna buy booze anyway weren't you?" "Yeah man" he laughs. We go to the bar at Applebee's. He gets bourbon, and I get some Grey Goose and tonic.
I come to find out that his name is Andy and he works for the city. I couldn't figure out why a guy who makes $130,000.00 a year was asking me for change and wearing dirty Vikings sweatpants, but whatever it's all good. We continue to have one drink, two drinks, three drinks, and a couple more I'm sure. We talked about everything- his recording career, his tryout for the Vikes, man; this guy did it all- This Andy fella was really something else. He told me that his favorite players for the Vikings were guys like Joey Browner and Chris Doleman. I was curious, "didn't those guys retire a while ago?" He was a little miffed and by now far more drunk than when I found him,
"Fuck that man! Those fucking guys still play dude! HA HA" Andy laughed a lot. In fact, he laughed more as he drank more. I found this to be a charming characteristic for a bum.
As the time rolled on, I realized that Dani and Ellerbach were probably going to miss me out there. They were looking for me in the skyway, and I was at the bar pounding away on some Grey Goose. At some point, I became so inebriated that I began telling Andy my life story. I would tell him about some shit about hating the President, hating pop music, or about hating my soulsucking job at the time. He was a good listener to the extent that he began to pass out every five minutes at the bar and responded in nonsensical stammering. The bartender seemed very happy with me, after-all when Jeff and Dani showed up; Andy was going to be the barkeep's problem. By now, my new buddy's talking about how he should come out to dinner in this slurred sort of whatever voice. I thought that it was a bad idea- a very bad idea. After deliberating for 10 or 15 minutes, Dani and Jeff finally showed, and I had to break it to a nearly sleeping Andy that I wasn't going to have him for dinner. I did however give him my buddy's business card and tell him to give me a call sometime.
I guess the gravity of my encounter hit home when Ellerbach pointed out that I had enabled an alcoholic to drink himself to complete annihilation and then left him in Applebee's. My response was fairly simple- "Better than leaving him sober and on the street."
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