The Undead Monkey Gambit
- Alex
So Sunday night saw me seated with Jake, Faber, and Loomis around a dinner table, which, if you know us, you'll know that it's bad news for anyone in the area
wanting to have a quiet conversation. However, the restaurant was empty save for us, so we probably only annoyed our camarera...
The conversatin ranged all over the map, like always, and finally settled on the subject of movies. Loo was in fine form, telling us the story of why he
can no longer rent movies (ask him about "The Major Payne Test" if you're interested), and describing his criteria for walking out on a movie. It is,
simply: if there's snowboard content, he's gone. At sight one of a snowboard, it's time to walk out. You might think this is a simple rule, but then he went on
to say he almost had to walk out on The Two Towers after Legolas slid on that shield down the stairs... because that could have been considered snowboarding
(he decided it wasn't).
Loo then followed up on this all by saying that the opposite of this rule was discovered by watching Pirates of the Caribbean, and it is: any movie
with an undead monkey is automatically good.
None could argue, but Jake did ask What if there's a movie with an undead monkey on a snowboard?, to which we figured that the two would just cancel out,
and the movie would stand on its own merit from there on out.
(Yes, this is the kind of shit we talk about over dinner. It's very entertaining, you should try it.)
But so anyway, we then started talking about whether or not there were any other movies that had undead monkey content, and the decision was made to "Google it".
I'm here to share the results with y'all.
Frankly, there's very little undead monkey content that isn't related to PotC, and none of the rest has to do with any other movies. But so anyway, there's
this link, to a story about a rabid, half-faced monkey terrorizing a village. And there's
this link, where you can buy an undead monkey head t-shirt. And then of course there's
this link, where the author posits that "the only undead monkey army is a Nazi undead monkey army". I'm
not sure I'm with him on that one. And finally, there's this piece of crap, about which the
less said the better.
So there you have it, undead monkey content on the web. I'm fairly disappointed, but I guess sometimes you just come up craps. Later.
What do you think? Drop us a line at webmaster@simpleprop.com and give us some
feedback. Maybe we'll even run your letters in future Gambits. 'The Daily Gambit' is updated every weekday.
