Bombers
- Wade
I'm going to use a word today that I'm very careful about using.
The word? "Hate."
I feel pretty strongly about this word. (Ask Al-- we had a particularly nasty string of e-mails back and forth last spring brought on by that word.) I think the word is fairly powerful, and is tossed about too freely by people when talking about traffic, prime-time network programming, and current (and ex-) Presidents.
But folks... I'm here to tell you.
I hate the Yankees.
Not all of their roster, although most of it. (Somehow I can't be upset with John Olerud and Miguel Cairo. Call me a romantic.) Not all of their fans, but most of them. Not all of their history, but most of it.
I haven't always hated them. There's been a sense of annoyance there since 1996, but then they had Wetteland, Boggs, hell, even Cecil. But ever since then, there have been a string of players that have led to these intense feelings by yours truly. If I may expound on said players...
Paul O'Neill. Complained about everything. Would get on base and still be bitching about it. The biggest whining pain-in-the-ass I can ever recall. Nice perm.
Bernie Williams. If I hear one more word about how this washed-up has-been can rip out great tunes on an acoustic guitar I think I'm going to swallow glass. Go back to Puerto Rico.
Chuck Knoblauch. What a little turd. "I wanna go to the Yankeeees..." I guess he fit right in with O'Neill. How's that toss to first, there, Chuck? I wonder how it feels to have the Kansas City Royals tell you that they don't need your services anymore.
Scott Brosius. Nice face.
Nick Johnson. Nice head.
Randy Choate. Nice name.
I could go on, but you get the point. The Yankees have been able to string together the most unlikeable teams in the most unlikeable fashion (outbidding the rest of the league for free agents) and, unfortunately, have been very successful. And Yankees fans just eat this shit up. Destiny. Team of the ages. Dynasty. Miracle in pinstripes. All that great stuff that makes network executives get moist because most unintelligent baseball "fans" jump on bandwagons like they were handing out free beef jerky-- when the Yankees win, ratings rise!!!
Which brings us to the '04 version. These scrappy little-engines-that-could came back and won 61 games after trailing this season, a major league record (and something FOX and ESPN mentioned 1,351 times in Games 1 and 2.) Isn't that special? No one seems to realize, though, that the team with the highest payroll in the major leagues shouldn't HAVE to be coming back from behind that often, right? Maybe that's just me.
Oh, Yankees lineup, how do I hate thee?
Derek Jeter. Oooh, he's so hard-nosed. The revered Yankees captain. If he didn't play for New York he'd be a quality shortstop, but in a second tier behind Tejada and (pre '04) Garciaparra.
Alex Rodriguez. WHORE! WHORE! Nice double-clutch on that grounder to you in Game 1. I love how he whines every time he makes an out. Called third strike? WAAAAH, even though the replays show it to be right down the middle. Caught stealing? WAAAAH, again the replays legitimately show him out. I guess it must be hard not to do, considering all of the drunk Yankee fans (is that redundant) do the same thing every time a call goes against their beloved Bombers.
Gary Sheffield. Eh. I guess I don't have much of a beef with Sheff. I respect how he plays through pain, even though we now know why he was able to do it so well.
Bernie Williams. See above for commentary on this no-talent ass-clown.
Jorge Posada. $@%#ing turtle. Great passed ball last night. Of course, since he's a "Yankee legend" now, the official scorer gave Sturtze a wild pitch.
Ruben Sierra. Here's my rule. I collected baseball cards from 1986-88. If I have your rookie card, it's time to retire. You've had a nice run, Rube, but you peaked the year I got my drivers' license.
I guess if you had to sum up my hatred of the Yankees in some rational sort of way... it'd go something like this:
1. They skirt the rules of "fair" play to assemble their team.
2. Both their players and their fans have this indignant sense of privilege about the team-- any time a call goes against their team it's obviously wrong. (See destiny rant above.)
3. Baseball, along with the national media, pulls for these guys because it means more money in the bank.
So when I see my boys have the Yanks on the ropes not once but twice last night... and not take advantage of it.. I'm not going to Gardy-bash as so many people are wont to do today. I'm fine with the Nathan, Radke, and Stewart decisions (although don't ask me about the Kubel at-bat.) And I'm pretty excited that we got to Rivera...
But this is the Evil Empire, man. And we had our chance to go up 2-0. And we blew it. And that's at least one more day of having to watch these bastards and listen to how their team is superior.
And think of more reasons to hate the Yankees.
What do you think? Drop us a line at webmaster@simpleprop.com and give us some
feedback. Maybe we'll even run your letters in future Gambits. 'The Daily Gambit' is updated every weekday.
