Funny Guy
- Wade
Ever have one of those days where you're convinced you need to start drinking at work?
I'm on the fourth day straight where that seems like a good idea.
As such, I'm mailing this one in. Below is what, at one time, I thought was the funniest e-mail forward I'd ever received. Now some of it-- okay all of it-- seems a little crass, but still worth a few giggles.
Top ten ways to be "the funny guy" in your office.
10. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if
they don't, and then punch them in the mouth.
9. Announce in a meeting that you're dying. After everyone
gives you the sympathy remarks... tell everyone how
you're just kidding... and tell them that they're all a bunch of
queers.
8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard - then during
the meeting put one finger in the air and make like
you are hocking up a big loogie - then spit the custard into a
clear glass and hand it to the person next to you and say "Beat
that!".
7. Inform a male coworker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker,"
then piss in his coffee and tell him he needs a good
"ass fucking".
6. Always walk around with a big smile and keep one hand down
the front of your pants.
5. Answer every question asked to you with "fuck if I know!"
then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even
match their race.
4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with
your nuts. Get them really sweaty, and then walk around shaking
everyone's hand.
3. Run down the hall with your dick out while urinating all over
and yell, "It won't stop! God help me! It won't stop!" Then when
it
stops... look down and say... "Oh."
2. Ask to borrow someone's pen - bring it to the bathroom -
stick it in your butt - return it and tell the person
to smell it - when they tell you that it smells bad - say, "It
should! I had it up my ass!"
1. Shit on the floor in your office and when someone comes in
and sees it, tell them it's the fake plastic kind -
when they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is full
of
shit, laugh and point.
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