Wooves

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The NBA. It's faaaaaantastic.

The state's beloved cagers have a historic (an historic, wadE?) game tonight: their first playoff matchup beyond the first round. They take on the Sacramento Kings, a team that features guys named Peja, Vlade, and Bibby. There used to be a Scot, not sure if he or his beloved sideburns are still with the team. Despite the success of the Woofies thus far, I think they'll get creamed and be able to make their usual May tee times. To paraphrase Paul Simon, the team is too soft in the middle, so the rest of their life will be hard.

Not that I necessarily care one way or t'other. I'll probably watch the game, at least part of it. I'm at the stage in life where I miss out on three-hour events that start at 8:30 p.m., especially on school nights. Plus... I just can't really get into the NBA. Sure, it's entertaining to have on when on the elliptical machine. And those rare shots of the Timberwolves Performance Team are savory. But beyond that... professional basketball has a way to go to catch up with baseball, hockey, even (gasp!) golf. Here's why:

  • Thugs. How would you feel if you ran into Allen Iverson while walking down a dark street? Or Jason Williams? Or Jayson Williams? Or even Jay Williams? Okay, that last one would limp a little, but the point is the same-- a lot of these guys look pretty scary. Sprewell? Yikes. And it's more than the tattoos. So many players have permanent scowls on their faces, multiply that by the number of times players do that "dagger-to-the-heart" motion and I start packing heat before I go to games.

  • Talent Pool. On any given night in the NBA, a team will have the following players on the floor: a 29-year-old player from Krapblakistan, a 38-year old grizzled point guard on his 26th team, a legitimate player, and two guys who just graduated from high school. The influx of youth has not only watered down the professional game's talent pool, it's also made college basketball less appealing. Make a rule, David Stern. The Supreme Court upheld the NFL's age requirement.

  • Heat 124 - Knicks 119. Is there a legitimate reason to tune into a basketball game before the fourth quarter? Back and forth, seventy to eighty "goals" a night make the game a little hard to get into, at least until the end. Speaking of...

  • The end. I watched the last two minutes of the Wolves game Friday night, and it took approximately 39 hours. The Nuggets were down by 6 points or so-- whenever a Wolves player would get the basket, Denver would foul him and off we walk to the free throw line. Repeat ad nauseum. I understand the coach's motivation at this point-- he wants to win the game, entertainment value be damned. But does anyone really enjoy how these games end? And, duly noted, this affects college basketball as well.

    • Well, let's end with the end. Other professional sports leagues have their share of issues, to be sure. But there's nothing much that rivets me about the NBA. Faaaaaantastic.

    Oh, and Go Wolves. :)

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