Your Horns Aren't Wanted Here
- Wade
"Do you like this song?"
"Well..."
"Why not?"
"You see.. the horns..."
So went a conversation I had recently. OK, it's not verbatim, but it captures the essence. The song in question was by John Mayer, off of his new CD. I'm not sure how I feel about John Mayer. He seems to want to be Dave Matthews, but I didn't hold anything against Stone Temple Pilots for wanting to be Pearl Jam ten years ago. That "Body is a Wonderland" song was fine, maybe overplayed, but I'm happy whenever a song that actually features a guitar gets popular nowadays.
Did I just say "nowadays"?
Irregardless... The new Mayer song was uptempo, peppy.. and featured horns. *shudder*
Here's the deal on horns in music:
Acceptable
80's music
Jazz music
Latin music
Unacceptable
Everything else
Can you imagine a fun 80's tune like "Walkin' On Sunshine" without the trumpets? Or anything by Gloria Estafan and the Miami Sound Machine? Horns fit like a glove in "Do the Conga." And jazz-- nothing without horns. (Being overly simplistic here in the hopes of ticking off any of our readers that listen to jazz.)
Beyond that? Don't do it. The list is endless. The french horn intro in "You Can't Always Get What You Want." The obnoxious horn bridge in "Penny Lane." Trumpets in "Waterfalls." Ditto for "Angels of Harlem." "Solitary Man." "Just the Way You Are." "Soul Man." "Crash." Nearly everything by Van Morrison.
The horns are just out of place and frankly make me uncomfortable. Like the time in high school I took a girl to see The Hand That Rocks The Cradle for a first date. That level of uncomfortable. I was asked about the source of this irrational dislike of brass-- and I truly have no idea. My only guess is hours and hours of playing "Hot Cross Buns" in sixth grade while trying to master the coronet. I gave up the next year, thoroughly defeated by "Camptown Ladies."
Naturally, there's an exception to the rule: Cake. No, the band Cake. I remember the exact moment I heard "Short Skirt/Long Jacket" on the radio in 2001... I loved it, and the horns were the icing on the... well, nevermind. I'm a huge Cake guy, partially because they work brass in so well to their music.
But... unless you're Lisa Lisa, Winton, Branford, Carlos, or.. the guy from Cake-- PUT THE HORNS DOWN!
What do you think? Drop us a line at webmaster@simpleprop.com and give us some
feedback. Maybe we'll even run your letters in future Gambits. 'The Daily Gambit' is updated every weekday.
