Taxi Cab Wisdom

On the way to George Bush Intercontinental Airport (or Aeropuerto) yesterday, I was lucky enough to have Willie the Cab Driver. Willie is a 53 year old divorced black man from Louisiana.

The following is some of Willie's wisdom he imparted on me.

"Hooo-weee... you a young business man, I bet you get a lot of pussy."

"My wife say to me, 'You wanna be with those young girls?' I said, 'Yeah'. So she threw me out!"

"I got a lot of regulars. Folks who are regulars usually got a reason, like they're disabled, or alcoholics. Most of mine are alcoholics."

"I got one woman who calls me every morning at 5:30 AM. She called this morning at 5:30 and I didn't answer, so she called back at 6:30 and said, 'Willie! Get your hand out of that young pussy!' I told her, 'Woman! Even if I had 100 naked 19-year-old in bed with me I wouldn't be doin' anything. I'm dead, dead to the world.'"

"So this same woman who called me, she's rich. Well, she's not rich, but her momma is, and she lives at home with her momma. I come pick her up and her neighbors stare at her when she give me a big hug, 'cuz she's white."

"I love it when she hugs me, her big tits press into my chest and I reach around and grab that ass. I ask her, what do you think the neighbors think, and she says, 'I don't care what they think, this is my yard' or really her mothers."

"I had another friend who was a regular, we used to go out drinkin' all the time. She was rich too, buy me anything I want. Yeah.... she just died a month ago. She just stopped eatin'. Just drank...real sad."

"You married? Heh, as long as you don't go home stankin' like pussy, she'll never know. (I say, oh, they'll know, those woman are smart) Yeah, I came home and my wife smelled it on me and said 'You wanna be with those young girls?' I said, 'Yeah'. So she threw me out!"

"One time I was with this young girl and she said, 'I don't know if I wanna be with an old man.' So I says, don't be with an old man, be with this young man, I feel young.' Those young chicks keep you young."

"That same girl say to me, 'Willie, I need somebody who can go down and eat me.' I say to her, 'Damn woman, I can eat the shit out of that!'"

"All my girls always say, 'Willie! You talk so nasty!' But they love it, that's how you gotta talk to the ladies."

"One time I was at this strip club and I said to her, 'I want you to sit on my face.' She said, 'What?' 'I said, sit on my face!' So she did."

"Did I give you your credit card back? 'Cuz if I didn't, I'm going to the strip club and getting me a lot of pussy!"

(While helping me with my luggage when we get to the airport) "Damn, you a big young man! I bet you get a lot of pussy."

Ah Willie, wherever you are, this is for you! Your insight into the female psyche was invaluable. Next time you find your self in Houston, call up the Yellow Cab Co. and ask for Willie, he's a trip!

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