Shet Mah Mouth

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Being involved in the computer industry for the past eight years, I sometimes get jaded towards technology. I've watched as the Internet changed from something a few people knew about to something that everyone knows about it. Without wanting to sound too much like an old fart, I've used Mosaic, Netscape 1.0, even text-based Lynx to surf the web. So when new web technology pops up, I generally don't bat an eye.

Then something comes along that floors me. Enter the Dialectizer.

Ironically, I found the Dialectizer recently when poring through my 1999 e-mails. So it's not new, but that doesn't make it dated. The premise is this: you enter a web address, and then choose what dialect you'd like that page to be translated into. Sound impressive? It didn't to me, either. But watch.

For example, let's take a clip of text from a well-written, intelligent yet randomly-selected web page:

No luck. No line. Driving by, I wondered aloud whether Tom Ridge holds stock in 3M or another duct tape manufacturer. While my townŽs response looked lukewarm, both LoweŽs and Home Depot in Alexandria, VA, sold out overnight. Along with everyoneŽs favorite adhesive, Ridge recommended Americans store up water, food, radios and first aid kits. What, no gas masks?

Using the Dialectizer, this can easily be translated into the following:

Cajun

No luck. Shet mah mouth! No line. Drivin' by, ah wonnered aloud whether Tom Ridge holds stock in 3M o' t'other duck tape manufackurer. While mah townŽs response looked lukewarm, both LoweŽs an' Home Depot in Alexan'ria, VA, sold out on overnight. Along wif ev'ryoneŽs favo'ite adhesive, Ridge recommended South Car'linans sto'e up water, grub, radios an' fust aid kits. Whut in tarnation, no gas maxs?

Jive

No luck. Ya' know? No line. Drivin' by, ah' wondered aloud wheda' Tom Ridge holds stock in 3M o' anoda' duct tape manufacturer. Ah be baaad... While mah' townŽs response looked lukewarm, bod LoweŽs and Crib Depot in Alexandria, VA, sold out overnight. Man! Along wid everyoneŽs favo'ite adhesive, Ridge recommended Americans sto'e down booze, food, transista's and fust aid kits. Whut, no gas max's?

And, my personal favorite, Swedish Chef

Nu loock. Nu leene-a. Dreefing by, I vundered eluood vhezeer Tum Reedge-a hulds stuck in 3M oor unuzeer dooct tepe-a munooffectoorer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Vheele-a my toonŽs respunse-a luuked lookooerm, but Looe-aŽs und Hume-a Deput in Elexundreea, FA, suld oooot ooferneeght. Um de hur de hur de hur. Elung veet iferyune-aŽs fefureete-a edheseefe-a, Reedge-a recummended Emereecuns sture-a up veter, fuud, redeeus und furst eeed keets. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Vhet, nu ges mesks?

Other options include Elmer Fudd, Cockney, Pig Latin, Hacker, and the ever-popular moron. How does it work? Well, when you submit the web form a CGI script downloads the HTML from the... you know what, nevermind. Who cares. If you've got some time to kill and need a laugh, read startribune.com as written by Elmer Fudd. Good stuff.

Try it yourself: rinkworks.com/dialect/

What do you think? Drop us a line at webmaster@simpleprop.com and give us some feedback. Maybe we'll even run your letters in future Gambits. 'The Daily Gambit' is updated every weekday.