My Own Gallery
- Alex
So let's just start with the admission that I'm just plain ripping off the whole
idea for this one. Ok? Everyone all right with that? Good.
We'll start with the birthday card my kid sis sent me, because frankly, it rocks. I scanned in the front, middle, and back.
Here we go:
My main concern is if that's not Cool Whip, and if it's not frosting, then Dear God what is it? Secondary
concerns include: why are the sausages on the outside more done than those on the inside?; and what exactly are the meat
lumps on either end?
Problems abound here... those things in the metal container that sure look like Powdered Sugar Donuts - what are they, really? Are
those tofu cubes in the shallow dish? And those p-egg-uins... cute.
Is there anyplace anymore that serves beer in steins? That's my question.
Oh but wait there's more... Ashley picked up a calendar from God-knows where, featuring everyone's favorite canned meat, which for
liability purposes we'll call MEEF (with all due props to wadE). Here are the choice monthly shots:
Everyone loves a good MEEF-based party dip, served with crackers, cherry tomatoes, and goldfish. Goldfish? Hell, why not, it matches
the tablecloth!
This... thing... which looks like an alien plant of some sort, which may or may not be on the verge of barfing (not unlike this
reader at this point), is allegedly a reuben dip. I don't even know what a reuben dip is. And I don't recall them explaining it
on Pee Wee's Playhouse, either. And I really hope that's a bread bowl.
This enchanting concoction is called "Bang Bang MEEF". I'm not sure if I'd rather eat raw fish or raw MEEF. And the very pertinent
question is, I think: Is that some sort of soy glaze, or is it merely your standard MEEF packaging jelly? I feel a little ill...
Things have gone from bad to worse. Here we've got a MEEF bread, with a white creamy sauce. Look at it drip! Look at the bread
glisten from the MEEF-grease! Can't you just picture the room in marketing where the suits are spritzing the bread with water to get it
to glisten just right under the lights? Fun times...
Muffins? MUFFINS?! Not just any muffins, these "megamuffins" apparently combine MEEF and raisins in delicious muffin form, and go
wonderfully with a basket full of cherries. I can only hope that the muffins aren't garlic flavored or something.
Admit it, you didn't think it could get worse than the muffins. DID YOU?! Well, I've saved the best for last. MEEF cupcakes.
MEEF patties, heavily frosted, with sprinkles. How is this an idea worth making, let alone presenting on a nice glassware platter?
I know that I often think that I'd like a nice salty ham-based product, covered in sweet, sweet frosting, but I always figured I was
in the minority. Plus, I'm completely joking. Oy...
This concludes today's tour of disturbing images. If you've enjoyed it, I suggest you seek help. I'm outtie.
-- 03/26/2004
