Fearless Predictions, and other crap.

Revised: 05/05/04

All right... well I certainly did make quite the mess of the Western Conference, didn't I? On the bright side, including the Toronto vs. Ottawa Game 7 predicition, I'm 3-for-5, which means on the whole I'm about 100 points lower than Barry Bonds' current OBP. Which is still pretty sweet. Let's try some revisionist predicting!

Western Finals: Calgary v. San Jose
So, we've gotten an entirely different style of matchup than the one I'd originally predicted. However, it doesn't make things any less interesting, the way a Habs/Flyers matchup in the East would have. What we've got instead of the Avs/Wings rivalry, take 137, is a matchup of the two best goalies left in the playoffs in San Jose's Evgeny Nabokov, and Calgary's Mikka Kipprusoff. (And before anyone takes the time to a) look up how to spell either of those names, and b) tell me that I got it wrong, just know that I didn't look either one up. So sue me. Mmm... Sue...). Anyway... it should be a fantastic defensive series, and certainly no slight to either team that I didn't pick them originally. Let's say Flames in 6, because in the game of former Oilers, I like Gelinas more than Damphousse.

Finals: Calgary v. Philly
Hey - I can pick a team that I actually like! Maybe there's some good from this revising after all. Flames in 7, baby!

Original Article:

I would like to start out with the simple statement that the Vancouver Canucks did not deserve to win last night's game vs. Calgary. In case you missed it, Calgary was ahead 2-1 with under a minute to play. Their best player, Jerome Iginla, had the puck at the Nucks blue line, the goalie was pulled. Iginla shot a backhand toward the net... and all of a sudden there was a sweater on the ice. A sweater! Some jackass in the stands actually threw his coat on the ice to try and prevent an empty net goal. So the shot hits the side of the net, Iginla gets slashed (no call, of course), trips over his stick, and the Canucks go down the ice and score with 5 seconds left. Mind you, I don't think the coat/jacket/sweater/whatever had any influence on the shot, but play should've been stopped. Karma won out, though, as the former Kid Line member Martin Gelinas scored for Calgary early in the overtime.

All this is my long way of saying that the NHL playoffs are worlds better than the NBA playoffs.

Most of you will think I'm crazy, but it's true. And do you know why? It's because more hockey fans care. Tune in to Game 7 of the Leafs/Sens series tonight if you don't believe me. The fans will be going crazy the whole game, and it won't be because the Maple Leafs Danceline is performing during a timeout, or because the scoreboard is telling them they're supposed to. Oh wait, was that a slap at hoops fans? Well, kind of. It helps that hockey is fast, play doesn't really stop all that much, and each team only gets one timeout. Still, a hockey game has excitement throughout, while a basketball game features so much scoring that it doesn't matter much if you even watch before the 4th quarter. On top of that, the fans in most hockey cities just plain care a lot more. Teams left in the playoffs include Calgary, Toronto, Ottawa, and Montreal, where the ice game is the only one in town. It's like Nebraska football, if you must. There's also Philly, whos fans just plain care. Then there's Detroit and Colorado, where hockey is the only sport in the city where their team wins. Oh, and I guess there's some tradition in Detroit and Philly. Or something. But so anyway, where's the love for the team in hoops? Maybe in Sacramento. Maybe in San Antonio. I'll say one thing though - Montreal scored midway through the 3rd period last night to break a scoreless tie, and I thought "Now it's going to get really fun, because Boston will be desperate to score and there'll be even more action." I don't usually find myself getting excited with 10 minutes to go in a basketball game, because the lead will probably change 15 more times before the end.

The very fact that I even cared about a Habs/Bruins tilt shows what a great game the NHL playoffs provide. I don't even have that much interest in watching the Timberwolves play, and I really like the way they play. But it's just not going to be interesting until at least the second round of the playoffs... and even then my affiliation holds only with the good guys. KG, Duncan, umm... yeah. We'll see. It doesn't help that NBA playoff series take for-freakin'-ever.

Which brings me to my idea. I have an idea on how to fix the NBA playoffs. It's not a great idea, there's no way it would ever be implemented, but I have the idea anyway. It's actually really simple:

Everyone makes the playoffs.

Please, spare me the hockey jokes about the days when 4 out of 5 teams from each division made the playoffs. I really do mean it, everyone in the NBA gets in. Here's the deal, though: it's weighted like the draft lottery. The best team from each conference gets a first round bye. After that, it's seeded like the NCAA tournament, only multiple elimination. The top four teams from each conference get six "wins", the next four get four, the next four get two, and the last three get one. So, when the bracket comes out there'll be a very good team playing a very bad team, and the very good team will have six games to beat the bad team once. But the pressure's still on, because those six losses are all the good team gets for the entire playoffs. So as the tournament goes on, the series will very likely get shorter... which would be a good thing. It'd be possible to have an NBA Finals GAME. Wouldn't that be exciting?

It'll never happen... but man it'd be exciting.

So screw the NBA, the rest of this column is gonna be devoted to predicting the NHL playoffs, the only playoffs where teams are allowed to report an injury as a "lower body injury". Gotta love it. We're almost to the second round, so I'm cheating a little, but hey, I just thought of doing this so sue me. We'll save the best for last, and start with the Eastern Conference.

Tampa Bay vs. Montreal
Apparently Tampa Bay is good, who'da thunk it? I'm fully prepared to call the Lightning the only likeable TB team, though. Despite my sarcasm, I like the 'Ning to take care of Montreal in this round. The Canadiens simply aren't very good, and if Tampa can shut down the Koivu line, they'll be on their way. I think it happens. Tampa in 6.

Philadelphia vs. Toronto
Yes, that's two predictions in one. I'll be cheering for Ottawa tonight, but I think the Leafs take it. I'd rather keep yelling Bonk, myself, but that's a personal thing. In any case, this is a huge series. The Yankees of Canada (only without the winning) vs the City that loves you back. Both teams are bruisers, but scorers, and you gotta love Mats Sundin for the Leafs, if he can get healthy. That said, I think Hextall's gonna have a heck of a series for the Flyers, and... what's that? Who's the goalie? Oh well, I still the the Flyers will take it in 7. So then:

Philadelphia vs. Tampa Bay
Almost a letdown after the Maple Leafs series, but the Flyers will have problems stopping Martin St. Louis, who will be very interesting to watch in this series. Still... Flyers in 6.

Now for the good stuff... the Western Conference. Oh, and did you notice another thing about the NHL playoffs that the NBA doesn't do? The NHL re-seeds their playoffs each round. So despite Calgary pulling an upset, they don't get rewarded, they still have to face the best team in the league, which leads us to:

Detroit vs. Calgary
Another great series, both buildings will be rocking. But Detroit is way too good for the Flames. Wings in 5. Unless Yzerman's leg falls off, in which case it'll be Wings in 6, and he'll still play.

San Jose vs. Colorado
I guess the Sharks are good, too. But it's very hard to bet against Forsberg and Sakic in the playoffs, especially against a team they'll be motivated for. Avs in 6.

Detroit vs. Colorado
Now this is the series to watch. These teams maybe don't hate each other as much as they used to, but it'll still be something to see. I bet even Dino will friggin' watch. Should be very hard fought, but I gotta go with the home team. Wings in 7. And what a game 7 it'll be. Trust me.

Which gives us a final series of:

Detroit vs. Philadelphia
I'm actually picking this? Ah crap... well, if the comet doesn't hit Joe Louis Arena, or Corporate Something Arena, then I've gotta go with the Wings. I just think they're better.

So you heard it here first, the Detroit Red Wings are your 2004 Stanley Cup Champs.

Unless of course this is all an elaborate jinx on my part. Can you put it past me? Either way, feel free to talk some smack in the Forum if you think I'm wrong. I'm outtie.

- 4/20/2004